The amount of tears i’ve cried, is nothing compared to the pain I hold inside..the pain is so deep inside of me that no one will ever see,
I take the pain and lock it up and throw away the key.
Because if I take this pain out of the bottle for anyone to see,
nobody would recongnize me. I woudln’t be the one everyone knows the one you know because It wouldn’t even be me.The one I was months and years ago disappeared the night you left. It doesn’t feel right. I smile on the outside but within my hearts in rage.. I can’t believe you did this I am so angry with you and it sucks because I can’t take it up with you. Things just haven’t been real from that day on..I can’t believe how selfish you were to do what you did.. I can remember like yesterday that phone call mom recieved from eddie telling her that you just died.. it was annie,mom and, I and honestly, nobody thought it was you we thought that it was some other kid.. I still from today don’t believe that it was you because your to stubborn to take your own life. I can’t believe you did this. I refuse to believe that you did this. Your the type of person that would do what tupac did and fake your death…Sometimes I feel like absoulte shit because the last message I received from you was saying “I am so depresed” know what I did with that message ..I never read it I didn’t give you the time or day because we were fighting about something but I can’t remember what it is so that is how important that fight was that I can’t even remember why or what we fought about. I feel like if I just wrote back and talked to you it would have made a difference. But it drives me crazy because two days before all this you were fine I don’t understand why all this happened.. there is so much I wish I could tell you and so much i’ll never get to tell you. Sometimes I wish I could pick up the phone and call you.. I can’t even remember how your voice sounds anymore.. I don’t think I ever imagined how much pain I would be in once you were gone …mostly because I never thought you would do something so stupid because if you had you would have never left me like this.. the word anger,love,hate can’t even express the amount of emotion I feel inside with trying to not grasp this and learning to let go I cannot expressing myself after all that has happened you left me when my whole world crashed down. You left me at the most critical time in my life..but you helped me forget my past and you helped me go to sleep,you were the one who watch me through it all..Through the death of my closest friends you didn’t let me fall..I feel like because of you, you are the only one that can get through to my hurt. I love you. I always find my mind wondering how life would be, if you were still here