I wrote this to someone special and I want to share this with my bloggers.
I find myself constantly in search of a deeper meaning. When I look at you Richard I want to know your whole story. What makes you who you are; what makes you tick.
It’s like When I see a book, I want to know what prompted the writer to create it. I want to know the thought process behind the book, and what made them dedicate their time to writing it. just like wnen I’m in nj and I walking and see couples holding hands, or sitting together at my work or whatever I cannot help but find myself wondering how they met or what makes them stay together. Why ? Because I would love to make my relationship stronger and stronger and I am still learning how to be in a relationship.
my main question I have in life is “Why?”
When I attempt to have these conversations with you, I tend to get three types of responses.Either you are delighted to discuss somewhat of your life..It’s refreshing to be asked about and to have someone respond with an actual interest. But most of the time when I ask you about your life or why your depressed or whatever why your angry you deem me as nosy, overly curious or just as annoying. “Why do you care?” Which I find you to be in this category and that it is impossible that you actually want to know about their lives, therefore there is a motive behind your questions and maybe you feel I am probably judging you or something but it’s not even like that I would just like for my amazing intelligent boyfriend to …Therefore you want little to do with me and my THERAPIST SESSION ..People do not care. but I care about you. I feel like you have never questioned the question, “What makes me the person that I am?” Therefore questions that aim at identifying your life and that it literally hold no interest to them. They believe they are who they are and do not take into account any deeper meanings.
Unfortunately I find myself disappointed by this desire if that’s how you want to be R.C. Whenever I attempt to have a more insightful conversation with you Richard…that same interest is normally not returned.
“It just works,” or “It just happened that way,” tends to be the responses I receive. And then there is my least favorite one, “I don’t know.”
I cannot comprehend how you do not consider a deeper meaning. There is so much more than beyond the surface in life. I truly believe that in order to understand a person that you have to genuinely care about who they are and why they are the person that they are. Especially within a relationship R.C Nothing thrills me more than hearing an experience that explains why a person acts a certain way. It can be as simple as, “I was attacked by a dog as a kid, so now I do not like to be around them,” to as deep as a person going into their horrific past that still haunts them to this day. Like your bike accident and people driving crazy makes you have anxiety attacks…Every single person has been affected by something in their life that caused them to change EVERYONE Life is full of constant events that impact our lives and change who we are… whether we realize it or not we are who we are for a reason. Everyone is on this EARTH as a example and everyone has a different purpose.
Now maybe you’re wondering why yourself; Why am I so interested in wanting to know your past and what’s making you depressed and your anger you hold ?Honestly, because I Love you and I believe there is a lot that can be learned from talking to people is a passion for me and allows me to learn not only about them, but also about myself. Through talking to other people I have discovered my passion of wanting to help people . I have discovered my love of writing. I have realized my love for you “R.C”. I have recognized my love of knowledge. I don’t always use it but when I do I learned all of this because these are the things I found myself constantly repeating as I told the story of “Who is Victoria Elizabeth ?”These components help make me who I am. Of course there is a lot more to me; my dreams, my tragedies, my flaws, etc.But I have learned to love every aspect of myself; good and almost all bad … I am still working with my self-esteem and how to love my body more but it’s not all about looks I am down to earth and I have a great personality which makes me beautiful. All because I have been able to talk with others and hear about people who have it better and who also have it worse than me. I have met people who were given everything in life, and I have also had talked with people who fought for everything they had and can never catch a break. I am constantly getting a peak into your mind bae and becoming more aware of mine as I do it.
Maybe I would never have known that I loved to write if someone had not recommended to start writing about my feelings since I didn’t know who I was because someone else was controlling life and even worse when I love someone so much I literally stop living for myself and start living for the other person and then, it just goes down hill and then I don’t know how to deal with myself . And how I was feeling,how to dress,what I liked what I didn’t like,where my money went ,my friends etc. i love writing and maybe is it possible that I would have never discovered my love of writing if I had not talked to someone who had made it their life? The honest answer is maybe. There is of course a possibility that I would never have discovered these things on my own…maybe I would I don’t know but I still today man learning who I am today Yet through talking to people about their experiences, I am able to broaden my perspective. I might hear something and think to myself, “How awesome , I should try that and see if that is something that would interest me.” Sometimes it turns out to be something that I hate, like going to sdhikkbnbut at least I now know that about myself and am able to honestly say, “I tried this and it was not for me.” Yet sometimes it results in an amazing journey that helps me to become even closer to understanding myself… To sum this up I will leave you with a summary of my hope for you as a result of reading this. My advice is simple. Search for a deeper meaning because it will not only help create lifelong connections with me but it will make you a better person down to your core…I can promise you. You will learn about who you are, and why. Life will become more meaningful and you will embark on Understanding who you are helps you to love yourself and be completely happy with the person that you are. So should we not desire to know the meaning to our life and aim to understand others as we go through this thing called, “life” baby . SORRY FOR ANY MISS SPELLING VENTING !!